Coming Apart at the Seams --1--

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to graduate with him in April. I was supposed to become his wife in June. I was supposed to be by his side. Forever. I never dreamed that I would be sitting in a funeral home, looking at his body in a coffin. Not now.
I was walking to class on a cold November morning when I got the call that I wasn't expecting. It was from Bryan's phone. I wondered why he was up this early, but I answered anyway.
"Hey Babe! I wasn't expecting you to be wake this early," There was a pause on the other line until I recieved a response from a voice I didn't recognize.
"April Miller?" It was a deep, sinister voice that asked. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to answer.
"Ye...ye...yes. This i..is she."
"This is officer Tim York. Mr. Mantaglia was involved in an accident this morning and he's being taking to Mercy South Side. We contacted his mother, who gave us your number. We suggest you meet him at the hospital."
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. How serious was the wreck? Where was it? Is he ok? "What's his condition? Is he ok? Will he be ok? Where is he now?" I could tell I was speaking in a panic, but I couldn't help it.
"Ms. Miller. I suggest you come to the hospital before we tell you that information."
I sprinted back down Forbes to ge to my car. I hurried to throw my books in the back seat before starting the car and racing to Mercy. The entire drive, I attempted to convince myself that everything would be ok. It had to be.
After parking in the lot, I raced into the emergency area where I was met by who I assumed to be Officer York.
"April Miller?"
"Yes"
"Follow me please."
I thought we would be going to whatever room Bryan was in, but instead he led me to the chapel. Immediately, I knew why we were in this room. I knew before Officer York even opened his mouth to tell me.
"Ms. Miller, I'm very sorry. Mr. Mantaglia passed away at the scene of the accident. However, in Pittsburgh it's standard procedure that he be taken to the hospital so an attempt at revival could be made. It's also standard procedure that we tell all loved ones of the condition here at the hospital. I'm very sorry for your loss. If you need anything, the ladies at the desk can assist you as well as give you some forms that need signed. I'm so very sorry."
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. It didn't hit me until I had been sitting alone in the dark chapel for a while. The tears wouldn't wait any longer. The full impact of what had just happened washed over me all at once, and I broke down into hysterical sobs. He couldn't be dead. My Bryan. Gone.
I never realized just how much I needed him until he wasn't there. Until all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me I would be fine. That everything would be fine. The only thing I wanted was for him to get out of the coffin and hold me. I wanted him to tell me he loved me, that we would be together forever. As much as I wanted it to, I had to face that fact that it wouldnt happen. So I sat in the funeral home, getting hugs and sympathies from everyone. Most of the people had never met me before, but they all knew how much Bryan loved me. I sat there and took it, when all I wanted to do was curl up next to him and will him back to life.
For weeks, I strongly considered killing myself. However, I realized that would make everyone around me feel just as I did now. So I did the only other thing I could do. I locked myself away from everyone and everything. Anything I did would remind me of Bryan, and that would bring on sobs.
The hardest part was cleaning his apartment. It didn't seem right to go through all his things and pack them into boxes. It was our memories being packed away, like Bryan's death meant everything was done. It's like it meant that everything should be locked away, never to be seen again.
I wouldn't let it happen that way. I couldn't let it. Bryan and I had been together since the 9th grade. I couldn't just let go. As I left Bryan's place, I was met by a tall man with gorgeous brown hair. He was so tall compared to my 5'5" frame that he almost knocked me over as I juggled boxes.
"Oh, sorry." he said with an odd accent. "Would you like some help with those boxes?"
I looked up into his welcoming brown eyes and nodded as I handed him a box filled with my heart.