Sooo soory for no birthday post butttt HAPPY BELATED 23RD TO KRISSSS!
And the game was amazing, I still have no voice :)
Link to the pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/49555374@N05/
And as an added warning, I'm working in the stables at a summer camp this year, sooo I won't be home at all. So starting in the begininig of June there won't be any updates until I come home 2 times a month. :(
and another story might be happening veryy soon that ties in with this one.
This post skips ahead a bit to the end of the season. Enjoy and leave feedback. and i did lose a follower, which is kind of disheartening, so spread the word :) :)
**KRIS'S POV**
April, the month that is, came around in no time. Luckily, we didn't have to fight to make the playoffs this year. On the 2nd of the month, April turnened 21, and the team was planning a party for her at Diesel after the Thrashers game on the 3rd.
As for our relationship, we considered outselves "dating", as much as we could be with the circumstances. April had signed a contract that she wouldn't become "involved" with any of the players. It was nice to know that she cared that much about me that she was risking her career to be with me.
We drove to all the games together, and the game on the third was no exception. Except that night, as we walked into the locker room, Mario was waiting for April, a stern look on his face.
"April," he looked back and forth between the two of us before turning to her, "Ray and I need to speak with you upstairs immediately." With that, he nodded at me and left the room.
I saw the panic on April's face, she knew that he knew about us. She was afraid everything was over.
"Kris...he, he knows." She was shaking, near tears.
"Ape, maybe, I don't know, maybe he wants to talk to you about the playoffs or something." I hugged her, trying to calm her down.
"Yeah. I have to go." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the locker room, waiting to know her future.
**APRIL'S POV**
The elevator ride to Mario and Ray's offices felt longer than it should. I knew from Mario's face in the locker room that he knew. But how? Kris and I always tried to arrive before the others so that few people would see us together. I guess we weren't descreet enough. I arrived at the office door after what seemed like hours and knocked, met by Ray's voice.
"Come in, April"
I took a deep breath and opened the door to see Ray and Mario standing behind the desk looking at a paper. My "uninvolvement" agreement.
"You...you wanted to see me?" I kept my head down, avoiding this at all costs.
"April, we have to discuss a very serious matter with you. You might prefer to sit." Ray motioned to the chair infront of the desk and I flopped into it, still shaking.
"April, you remember the papers you signed when you first joined us, correct?" Mario held the papers up to show me as I knodded.
"One of those papers was an agreement that your relationship with the players would be on a professional basis only. Well, we've heard some rumors, and you're actions as of late confirm them. I'm sure you know what we're meant to do in such situations." Mario looked at me, waiting for my response.
"You...you.." I was choking up, fighting tears. They had to fire me.
"You have to fire me." I continued to keep my head down, which caused me to miss the smile spreading across Mario's face.
"Which is why you should be glad we're not like other bosses."
I looked up confused at him and watched him rip the relationship agreement in half.
"You're free to go April. You have a game to assist with." Mario motioned toward the door and I got up smiling.
"Mario?" I stopped in the doorway to see him and Ray laughing.
"Yes, April?"
"That was NOT funny." I turned and walked out the door, Mario and Ray's laughter behind me.
**KRIS'S POV**
April avoided me throughout the game. Did they fire her? Tell her not to talk to me? I was completely stressed until after the game, when I had to ask her.
"April, you have to tell me everythings ok, I worried the entire game about it." She wasn't facing me while I spoke.
"Kris," she turned and kept her head down while she spoke, "they're fine with it." She looked up at me with a HUGE smile on her face. I picked her up and swung her around before kissing her qucikly.
"God, I love you April" I hugged her close to me.
"Kris, do we haveee to go to Diesel?"
"Yes, why?" She was so excited to go earlier.
"I don't know," she pulled away from me with her face down, "I just thought we could go to my place?"
Her place. I'm no player, but I know what that means. And I wasn't going ot pass it up.
"Well, we'll make the Diesel appearence short." I kissed her again before walking with her to my car, imagining what tonight would hold.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Feels Like Home --6--
**KRIS'S POV**
God damn the echo in this building. I could hear every conversation in the halls while I stretched. So much for focusing. Sometimes it paid to listen to the conversations. I could always tell what Sid's latest complaint was, or who Talbot took home last night. I could always hear the visiting team too. There was once voice that always stuck out, Dan Carcillo.
"Ohhh. Temper. You know, that's pretty attractive." I rolled my eyes at this one. Did he seriously think any woman would be attracted to his line? I stopped listening and started to focus until I heard that one voice. April.
"Carcillo, let go of me. Now" She was panicing, I could tell. As soon as I heard her I instantly stood up, on full alert. I heard Staalsy say something and I started to run to where I heard them.
I rounded the corner to the visting locker room and saw them. That goon had his dirty hands on her. She was turned away from him as much as she could be, trying to hide near Jordan. I saw him take another step towards her and it all boiled over. I ran to them as Carc threw another insult Jordan's way.
I wanted to push him away from her and kick the shit out of him. But before a game? I wouldn't risk it. I did all I could do, I just grabbed her away from him, leaving him and Staal to their words.
April instantly started crying as soon as Dan couldn't see her. The visitors locker room door slammed, indicating Carc went back where he belonged. I stopped April at a bench to let her sit down, she just grabbed me and cried.
"Wow," I thought, "I could really get used to this." Well, minus the crying. I wanted to be the one that made her happy.
"Kris?" She was speaking through sobs. They were tears I couldn't stop.
"Yes?"
"Thank You. I was so scared. I didn't think he would try anything, but...I...I didn't know." She hugged me tighter and cried some more.
"April, you have nothing to be afraid of." After I spoke she stopped crying and looked up at me and smiled.
"Love ya, Tanger" She hugged me again and smiled.
"Love ya" I knew she meant it in a best friend way. God, why couldn't she have meant it otherwise.
"You too April"
She couldn't understand just what I meant.
**APRIL'S POV**
God, he couldn't have understood my inner meaning of that "Love ya". I wanted to tell him I wanted to be with him, that I wanted him to be my rescuer every day. I wanted him to rescue me.
I could really get used to this Kris hodling me thing. It felt so right, like home. Everything that had happened earlier just melted away in his arms. I wasn't scared. Surprisingly, I was happy. I never wanted the game to start. I just wanted to stay here, with Kris, forever.
We beat the Flyers 4-1, with some huge hits on Carcillo. After he game I headed to my car in the mainly empty lot; I was always one of the last ones out. I put my bag into the back and slid into the drivers seat. I tried to turn the ignition, no dice. Tried again, nothing. Great. I finally gave up after about 5 tries and got out to call my roommate.
"Hey you got Lea's voicemail. Leave a message and I'll...." She would not answer at a time like this.
"SHIT!" I screamed and kicked my tire.
"Uhm, April?" I turned around to see Kris standing outside his SUV, keys in hand, laughing at me.
"Shut up Tanger." I was glad he couldn't see how embarrassed I was because it was dark.
"Would you like a ride home?" Always the gentleman.
"Uh, yeah, thanks." I grabbed my bag and got in his car.
**KRIS'S POV**
"Attwood Street." She gave her address as I started the car and pulled out of the arena lot. God, I was starving. Would she want dinner? Worth a try.
"You hungry, Ape?" She looked exhausted.
"Shit, I forgot my walelt in my car. I think I have food at my house." Ouch. Was she serious or letting me down easy?
"April, I'll pay. No big deal."
"Really?" She thought I wouldn't? I knodded as we headed onto Forbes.
"OK then. I'll pay you back at the arena, Kris, I promise."
"April, no need." I smilled at her and pulled into the Fuel&Fuddle lot.
Dinner was...fantastic to say the least. I laughed more with her at that table than I have since Luc died. I didn't want to drive her home, I wanted to stay out with her until tomorrow.
I pulled up to the building she showed me. Did she have to leave?
"Well, this is me, Kris. Thanks so mcuh for dinner and the ride." She smiled and reached for the door to get out. It was now or never.
"Wait, April." God, what was I doing.
"Yeah?" She turned back around and leaned towards me.
"Just do it." It was the main thought soaring through my mind. I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned into to her and pressed my lips to her.
I half expected her to pull back and punch me and run. No, I entirely expected her to do that. But, she didn't. She kissed me back, smiling while she did it.
When we finally detached for air she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"I love you, Kris." She whispered in my ear and hugged me tighter.
"I love you too, April."
I caught my star.
God damn the echo in this building. I could hear every conversation in the halls while I stretched. So much for focusing. Sometimes it paid to listen to the conversations. I could always tell what Sid's latest complaint was, or who Talbot took home last night. I could always hear the visiting team too. There was once voice that always stuck out, Dan Carcillo.
"Ohhh. Temper. You know, that's pretty attractive." I rolled my eyes at this one. Did he seriously think any woman would be attracted to his line? I stopped listening and started to focus until I heard that one voice. April.
"Carcillo, let go of me. Now" She was panicing, I could tell. As soon as I heard her I instantly stood up, on full alert. I heard Staalsy say something and I started to run to where I heard them.
I rounded the corner to the visting locker room and saw them. That goon had his dirty hands on her. She was turned away from him as much as she could be, trying to hide near Jordan. I saw him take another step towards her and it all boiled over. I ran to them as Carc threw another insult Jordan's way.
I wanted to push him away from her and kick the shit out of him. But before a game? I wouldn't risk it. I did all I could do, I just grabbed her away from him, leaving him and Staal to their words.
April instantly started crying as soon as Dan couldn't see her. The visitors locker room door slammed, indicating Carc went back where he belonged. I stopped April at a bench to let her sit down, she just grabbed me and cried.
"Wow," I thought, "I could really get used to this." Well, minus the crying. I wanted to be the one that made her happy.
"Kris?" She was speaking through sobs. They were tears I couldn't stop.
"Yes?"
"Thank You. I was so scared. I didn't think he would try anything, but...I...I didn't know." She hugged me tighter and cried some more.
"April, you have nothing to be afraid of." After I spoke she stopped crying and looked up at me and smiled.
"Love ya, Tanger" She hugged me again and smiled.
"Love ya" I knew she meant it in a best friend way. God, why couldn't she have meant it otherwise.
"You too April"
She couldn't understand just what I meant.
**APRIL'S POV**
God, he couldn't have understood my inner meaning of that "Love ya". I wanted to tell him I wanted to be with him, that I wanted him to be my rescuer every day. I wanted him to rescue me.
I could really get used to this Kris hodling me thing. It felt so right, like home. Everything that had happened earlier just melted away in his arms. I wasn't scared. Surprisingly, I was happy. I never wanted the game to start. I just wanted to stay here, with Kris, forever.
We beat the Flyers 4-1, with some huge hits on Carcillo. After he game I headed to my car in the mainly empty lot; I was always one of the last ones out. I put my bag into the back and slid into the drivers seat. I tried to turn the ignition, no dice. Tried again, nothing. Great. I finally gave up after about 5 tries and got out to call my roommate.
"Hey you got Lea's voicemail. Leave a message and I'll...." She would not answer at a time like this.
"SHIT!" I screamed and kicked my tire.
"Uhm, April?" I turned around to see Kris standing outside his SUV, keys in hand, laughing at me.
"Shut up Tanger." I was glad he couldn't see how embarrassed I was because it was dark.
"Would you like a ride home?" Always the gentleman.
"Uh, yeah, thanks." I grabbed my bag and got in his car.
**KRIS'S POV**
"Attwood Street." She gave her address as I started the car and pulled out of the arena lot. God, I was starving. Would she want dinner? Worth a try.
"You hungry, Ape?" She looked exhausted.
"Shit, I forgot my walelt in my car. I think I have food at my house." Ouch. Was she serious or letting me down easy?
"April, I'll pay. No big deal."
"Really?" She thought I wouldn't? I knodded as we headed onto Forbes.
"OK then. I'll pay you back at the arena, Kris, I promise."
"April, no need." I smilled at her and pulled into the Fuel&Fuddle lot.
Dinner was...fantastic to say the least. I laughed more with her at that table than I have since Luc died. I didn't want to drive her home, I wanted to stay out with her until tomorrow.
I pulled up to the building she showed me. Did she have to leave?
"Well, this is me, Kris. Thanks so mcuh for dinner and the ride." She smiled and reached for the door to get out. It was now or never.
"Wait, April." God, what was I doing.
"Yeah?" She turned back around and leaned towards me.
"Just do it." It was the main thought soaring through my mind. I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned into to her and pressed my lips to her.
I half expected her to pull back and punch me and run. No, I entirely expected her to do that. But, she didn't. She kissed me back, smiling while she did it.
When we finally detached for air she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"I love you, Kris." She whispered in my ear and hugged me tighter.
"I love you too, April."
I caught my star.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Chasing Stars --5--
So, I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a lot of trouble writing this. The last few days I've been on here starting new posts and ending up deleting them cause I think they suck. This update is kinda crappy, but I put a lot of feeling into it. Enjoy.
**KRIS"S POV**
Over the next few months, April had become a part of the team. She was like a little sister to most of of, and more like another daughter to the older guys and Mario. Any time we went to Diesel the team would look out for her like every guy was going after a sibling. It was like that with every guy on the team. Every guy except me.
I truly couldn't help the way I felt. I couldn't look at her like a sister like everyone else. I couldn't even look at her as a best friend, which is how she saw me. I wanted to be so much more to her. I wanted to be her new Bryan. But I knew it would never happen.
Isn't it strange how life works? How we always want what we can't have more than anything? It's truly like chasing stars. We can see what we want so clearly everyday of our lives, but we can never reach it. April was the star I wanted more than anything.
April and I had come so far as friends from where we began. When we met, she was distant, and wanted nothing to do with me. No, she turns to me whenever she needs me. Whether it was stress about school, or calling me in the middle of the night, crying over a dream about Bryan. It hurt me to see her in pain, which is why I didn't chase her more.
I just wasn't enough to fill the hole he left.
**APRIl"S POV**
I loved this team. Every player treated me like I was a part of their family and I loved it. And then there was Kris.
Kristopher Letang. Most people would have labeled him as my best friend. But truthfully, I wanted him to be more than that. So many people thought I was stuck on what was, but I slowly began to move on after the night I put my ring on Bryan's grave. I was a new person in so many ways.
I started caring again,. Not only about myself, but about everyone around me. Kris and I talked to eachother about anything and everything. He was the person I knew I could laugh with, and the shoulder I knew I could cry on. Bryan's death left a massive hole in my heart, but Kris and the team filled it almsot entirely. Well, mainly Kris did.
I really learned just how much I meant to the team and Kris on March 27th, when the Penguins played the Flyers. The teams already hated eachother, but somethings that night fueled the fire.
I was walking into the arena from my car when I was approached by a familliar, but not so friendly face. Dan Carcillo.
"Hey you! Pens trainer girl!" I heard the voice from behind me booming through the empty halls. I took a deep breath and put on my toughest look before turning around to face Carcillo.
"Yes, Mr. Carcillo?" I put as much attitude as I could into my words.
"Ohhh. Temper. You know, that's pretty attractive." He added a wink for good measure. Shit. Here I was expecting a legitimate question, and I get an ugly oaf hitting on me. Lovely.
"What's wrong sweetheart? Speachless in the sight of me?" Carcillo let out a chuckle as he tried his lines.
"Uhm, ok. Dan, no. Just no." I started to walk past him to get to the locker room when he grabbed my arm.
"Carcillo, let go of me. Now"
"No, I think I'll pass on that" He took a step closer. As squinted my eyes shut and turned away from him someone grabbed my other arm.
"Carc, back off." I looked up to see Staalsy glaring daggers at Carcillo.
"Thank God" I though as I took another step toward Jordan, hiding away from Dan as much as I could.
"Oh, Jordan. Is one of your little brother's gonna come help you?" Carcillo has a disgusting sneer on his face. I really wanted Jordan to punch that shit eating grin off his face. Just as I felt Jordan tighten his grip on me and familliar set of arms wrapped around me and grabbed me away from Jordan and Carcillo.
Kris.
Ok so I don't want to seem demanding, but feedback might help me. I don't know. Tell me what you think?
**KRIS"S POV**
Over the next few months, April had become a part of the team. She was like a little sister to most of of, and more like another daughter to the older guys and Mario. Any time we went to Diesel the team would look out for her like every guy was going after a sibling. It was like that with every guy on the team. Every guy except me.
I truly couldn't help the way I felt. I couldn't look at her like a sister like everyone else. I couldn't even look at her as a best friend, which is how she saw me. I wanted to be so much more to her. I wanted to be her new Bryan. But I knew it would never happen.
Isn't it strange how life works? How we always want what we can't have more than anything? It's truly like chasing stars. We can see what we want so clearly everyday of our lives, but we can never reach it. April was the star I wanted more than anything.
April and I had come so far as friends from where we began. When we met, she was distant, and wanted nothing to do with me. No, she turns to me whenever she needs me. Whether it was stress about school, or calling me in the middle of the night, crying over a dream about Bryan. It hurt me to see her in pain, which is why I didn't chase her more.
I just wasn't enough to fill the hole he left.
**APRIl"S POV**
I loved this team. Every player treated me like I was a part of their family and I loved it. And then there was Kris.
Kristopher Letang. Most people would have labeled him as my best friend. But truthfully, I wanted him to be more than that. So many people thought I was stuck on what was, but I slowly began to move on after the night I put my ring on Bryan's grave. I was a new person in so many ways.
I started caring again,. Not only about myself, but about everyone around me. Kris and I talked to eachother about anything and everything. He was the person I knew I could laugh with, and the shoulder I knew I could cry on. Bryan's death left a massive hole in my heart, but Kris and the team filled it almsot entirely. Well, mainly Kris did.
I really learned just how much I meant to the team and Kris on March 27th, when the Penguins played the Flyers. The teams already hated eachother, but somethings that night fueled the fire.
I was walking into the arena from my car when I was approached by a familliar, but not so friendly face. Dan Carcillo.
"Hey you! Pens trainer girl!" I heard the voice from behind me booming through the empty halls. I took a deep breath and put on my toughest look before turning around to face Carcillo.
"Yes, Mr. Carcillo?" I put as much attitude as I could into my words.
"Ohhh. Temper. You know, that's pretty attractive." He added a wink for good measure. Shit. Here I was expecting a legitimate question, and I get an ugly oaf hitting on me. Lovely.
"What's wrong sweetheart? Speachless in the sight of me?" Carcillo let out a chuckle as he tried his lines.
"Uhm, ok. Dan, no. Just no." I started to walk past him to get to the locker room when he grabbed my arm.
"Carcillo, let go of me. Now"
"No, I think I'll pass on that" He took a step closer. As squinted my eyes shut and turned away from him someone grabbed my other arm.
"Carc, back off." I looked up to see Staalsy glaring daggers at Carcillo.
"Thank God" I though as I took another step toward Jordan, hiding away from Dan as much as I could.
"Oh, Jordan. Is one of your little brother's gonna come help you?" Carcillo has a disgusting sneer on his face. I really wanted Jordan to punch that shit eating grin off his face. Just as I felt Jordan tighten his grip on me and familliar set of arms wrapped around me and grabbed me away from Jordan and Carcillo.
Kris.
Ok so I don't want to seem demanding, but feedback might help me. I don't know. Tell me what you think?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Lived and Learned --4--
I apologize for taking forever to update this. Swim season and musicala re now over so I have more freetime, which means more posts hopefully.
*KRIS'S POV*
I sighed as she practically ran out of the room. What the hell had I done? Mario glared at me from outside the room as April ran away. I seriously would love to know what I said or did to make her run. I was trying to be nice and find out more about her.
As I watched Mario walk out after April, TK came into the training room confused.
"Tanger, seriously, what the hell did you do?!" He was looking out the door trying to see where she went while he spoke. I kept my head down, trying to figure out exactly that.
"Merde. I don't know TK. I guess I said something she didn't like." TK rolled his eyes and went back into the locker room.
*APRIL'S POV*
I walked out the doors at the end of the hallway and was met by the cold, crisp air and light rain. I stood up against the wall, eventually sliding to the ground as I cried. Who the hell was this guy to think he had any right to know my life? Who was he to question me? I sat in the cold rain for a few minutes until I heard the door open.
"April?" I recognized the loud, but gentle voice. Mario.
I immediatly jumped to my feet to face his.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Lemieux. I just needed a second. You know with the air in the locker room, needed some fresh..."
"April, we've heard about Bryan from your professors. We heard you took it hard."
I froze and turned away. New tears were forming, on the verge on spilling over.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss," He walked towards me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "I've lost close friends in life too. But I've lived and learned. There comes a time when you must let go. You may not want to, but you have to live and learn what Bryan never will." He looked at me understandingly while he spoke.
"Thank you. You can't understand how much that means." I wiped away my final tears before Mario pulled me into a hug. He walked me back into the locker room towards the training room, where I froze in my tracks.
"Tell Kris your story. He's a great kid, he'll understand. He lost his best friend." Mario pointed me in the direction of the training room.
As I walked in, Kris looked up, confusedly.
"April..." I cut him off before he could start.
"My fiance died a few days before I met you. I still haven't grasped it. That's why I flipped." He continued to stare at me with that same confused look before he finally spoke.
"I lost Luc..." He stopped mid-sentence to stare off into space.
"Kris, tell me. Like, about him." He looked at me and I gave a small smile back.
We spent the rest of the intermission exchanging stories of Bryan and Luc. Before we walked out of the training room for the third Kris stopped me.
"Listen, I know you love Bryan still, but that doesn't mean you don't have room for a friend, no?" He smiled at me and I knodded and watched him walk back to the ice.
After the game, I hopped in my car, but didn't drive home. I drove for a while thinking, before I finally pulled up to the cemetary gates. I parked my car and walked up the hill to the stone marked "BRYAN ANTHONY MANTAGLIA." I sat on the wet ground, millions of thoughts in my head. I laid my head down and cried in the rain for a good while, I don't even know how long. I finally sat up and pulled the ring off of my left ring finger and set it on the stone, leaned down, and whispered "I love you."
*KRIS'S POV*
I sighed as she practically ran out of the room. What the hell had I done? Mario glared at me from outside the room as April ran away. I seriously would love to know what I said or did to make her run. I was trying to be nice and find out more about her.
As I watched Mario walk out after April, TK came into the training room confused.
"Tanger, seriously, what the hell did you do?!" He was looking out the door trying to see where she went while he spoke. I kept my head down, trying to figure out exactly that.
"Merde. I don't know TK. I guess I said something she didn't like." TK rolled his eyes and went back into the locker room.
*APRIL'S POV*
I walked out the doors at the end of the hallway and was met by the cold, crisp air and light rain. I stood up against the wall, eventually sliding to the ground as I cried. Who the hell was this guy to think he had any right to know my life? Who was he to question me? I sat in the cold rain for a few minutes until I heard the door open.
"April?" I recognized the loud, but gentle voice. Mario.
I immediatly jumped to my feet to face his.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Lemieux. I just needed a second. You know with the air in the locker room, needed some fresh..."
"April, we've heard about Bryan from your professors. We heard you took it hard."
I froze and turned away. New tears were forming, on the verge on spilling over.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss," He walked towards me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "I've lost close friends in life too. But I've lived and learned. There comes a time when you must let go. You may not want to, but you have to live and learn what Bryan never will." He looked at me understandingly while he spoke.
"Thank you. You can't understand how much that means." I wiped away my final tears before Mario pulled me into a hug. He walked me back into the locker room towards the training room, where I froze in my tracks.
"Tell Kris your story. He's a great kid, he'll understand. He lost his best friend." Mario pointed me in the direction of the training room.
As I walked in, Kris looked up, confusedly.
"April..." I cut him off before he could start.
"My fiance died a few days before I met you. I still haven't grasped it. That's why I flipped." He continued to stare at me with that same confused look before he finally spoke.
"I lost Luc..." He stopped mid-sentence to stare off into space.
"Kris, tell me. Like, about him." He looked at me and I gave a small smile back.
We spent the rest of the intermission exchanging stories of Bryan and Luc. Before we walked out of the training room for the third Kris stopped me.
"Listen, I know you love Bryan still, but that doesn't mean you don't have room for a friend, no?" He smiled at me and I knodded and watched him walk back to the ice.
After the game, I hopped in my car, but didn't drive home. I drove for a while thinking, before I finally pulled up to the cemetary gates. I parked my car and walked up the hill to the stone marked "BRYAN ANTHONY MANTAGLIA." I sat on the wet ground, millions of thoughts in my head. I laid my head down and cried in the rain for a good while, I don't even know how long. I finally sat up and pulled the ring off of my left ring finger and set it on the stone, leaned down, and whispered "I love you."
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tears Won't Let You See the Stars --3--
The first month without Bryan passed by faster than I ever could have imagined. It wasn't easy, but my family and friends helped more than I can say. My professors knew what had happened, and did all they could to make me focus on my studies so I could graduate with the honors I had hoped for. When it all came together, I had too much work to do to think about Bryan. It was almost the new year, which meant we would be getting internship assignments at Pitt. Since my major was Physical Therapy and Sports Medicine, and my grades were far above average, I was lucky enough to be selected for an internship at a Pittsburgh sports team.
I was assigned to be a physical therapist for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Two other students were assigned as trainers and, unfortunately, I was the only girl assigned to the Pens.
Over the next few days leading up to the holidays I had meetings with Mario and Ray and the coaching staff. I also had to sign confidentiality agreements and had to sign an agreement that I wouldn't date any of the players.
My first night with the Pens was against the Senators. I met with the training staff at the arena early on game day. They gave me a quick tour of the locker room and told me what I would be doing during the game. I would be waiting in the runway from the locker room and anytime a player was injured, i would take them back to the locker room and treat any minor injuries.
Before the game started, Mario took me to the locker room to introduce me to the team. As soon as I walked in, I was met by a familiar voice.
"Hey! April, right?" Jordan Staal was lacing up his skates when he spotted me and yelled.
Every player turned at looked at me after Jordan spoke, which caused Mario to look at me confused.
"Uhm, I ran into him once. Guess he remembered" Mario knodded at my excuse and turned to the team.
"Boys, this is April Miller. She's a senior at Pitt and she'll be interning as a physical therapist with us until she graduates. She'll be taking care of any minor injuries you may get during the games so make her feel welcome."
I noticed Kris Letang was staring at me the entire time Mario spoke. I remembered how rude I had been when he helped me after Bryan died, and figured that was why he was staring.
The game went along fine without much work for me, but during the second intermission Dr. Burke called me into the training area.
"It's time for your first job," Dr. Burke smiled at me and led me into the training area, "Kris has a cut on his hand. We're a little busy so we need you to check it out."
I walked into the room to see Kris sitting in a chair with a towel around his hand. He scoffed when I walked in, so I tried to ignore him, grabbed some gloves, and got to work. I didn't say anything while I cleaned the cut, and I guess that annoyed Kris.
"So, you're not going to ask any questions about what happened? Isn't that generally what people do?"
I rolled my eyes and responded, "What happened to your hand Kris?"
"Not really sure, I guess a puck hit where my glove didn't cover."
"Why did you want me to ask if you didn't know?" I glared at Kris, who looked away.
"Why are you so angry all the time?"
I stopped what I was doing as I tried to think what to say, instead I acted like I had no idea what he meant.
"I don't know what you mean, Kris."
"That's a lie. Why were you so upset at that apartment?"
"That's nothing you need to know." I finished stitching his hand and stormed out of the training room, the tears blocking the faces of those watching me.
I was assigned to be a physical therapist for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Two other students were assigned as trainers and, unfortunately, I was the only girl assigned to the Pens.
Over the next few days leading up to the holidays I had meetings with Mario and Ray and the coaching staff. I also had to sign confidentiality agreements and had to sign an agreement that I wouldn't date any of the players.
My first night with the Pens was against the Senators. I met with the training staff at the arena early on game day. They gave me a quick tour of the locker room and told me what I would be doing during the game. I would be waiting in the runway from the locker room and anytime a player was injured, i would take them back to the locker room and treat any minor injuries.
Before the game started, Mario took me to the locker room to introduce me to the team. As soon as I walked in, I was met by a familiar voice.
"Hey! April, right?" Jordan Staal was lacing up his skates when he spotted me and yelled.
Every player turned at looked at me after Jordan spoke, which caused Mario to look at me confused.
"Uhm, I ran into him once. Guess he remembered" Mario knodded at my excuse and turned to the team.
"Boys, this is April Miller. She's a senior at Pitt and she'll be interning as a physical therapist with us until she graduates. She'll be taking care of any minor injuries you may get during the games so make her feel welcome."
I noticed Kris Letang was staring at me the entire time Mario spoke. I remembered how rude I had been when he helped me after Bryan died, and figured that was why he was staring.
The game went along fine without much work for me, but during the second intermission Dr. Burke called me into the training area.
"It's time for your first job," Dr. Burke smiled at me and led me into the training area, "Kris has a cut on his hand. We're a little busy so we need you to check it out."
I walked into the room to see Kris sitting in a chair with a towel around his hand. He scoffed when I walked in, so I tried to ignore him, grabbed some gloves, and got to work. I didn't say anything while I cleaned the cut, and I guess that annoyed Kris.
"So, you're not going to ask any questions about what happened? Isn't that generally what people do?"
I rolled my eyes and responded, "What happened to your hand Kris?"
"Not really sure, I guess a puck hit where my glove didn't cover."
"Why did you want me to ask if you didn't know?" I glared at Kris, who looked away.
"Why are you so angry all the time?"
I stopped what I was doing as I tried to think what to say, instead I acted like I had no idea what he meant.
"I don't know what you mean, Kris."
"That's a lie. Why were you so upset at that apartment?"
"That's nothing you need to know." I finished stitching his hand and stormed out of the training room, the tears blocking the faces of those watching me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Can't, Won't, Ever Let You Go --2--
I reaaaally apologize for taking sooo long to do this chapter, another will come soon. I REALLY PROMISE THIS TIME! School got canceled for me tomorrow, so excpect a chapter tomorrow sometime. Oh, COMMENTS HELP <3
I knew I recognized this guy from somewhere, I just couldn't put a name with the face. He seemed really familiar. He didn't say a word to me most of the time he helped me get the boxes out of Bryan's apartment. Eventually, he got sick of silence, and spoke up.
"So, why are you moving out?" He looked at me curiously when he spoke, like he was trying to read my mind. It wasn't until then that i noticed his accent.
"I'm not. This isn't my stuff" I kept my face burried in what I was doing so I wouldn't have to draw out the conversation with a complete stranger.
"Oh," He confusedly tried to understand why I was doing this, "are you helping a friend?"
I didn't have time to respond before I heard running down the stairs. It wasn't long before shouting followed.
"KRIS?!?!? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!"
I looked at the stanger helping me. I knew who he was.
"Shit, I'll be right back." Kris ran out of the room and up the stairs.
Kris Letang. Pittsburgh Penguins defenceman. He helped me move my boyfriend's stuff. He stood in Bryan's apartment. Kris Letang.
I finished what I was doing and packed the last box, hoping to be out before Kris came back. I really didn't want an awkward 'Oh hey, you're famous' moment to erupt. I hurried to lock up and pack the car, but whatever Kris had to do finished first.
"Hey, need some help?" He was out of breath like he had just run to help me.
"No, I'm fine" I tried not to look at him, but once i knew who he was it was hard not to glance.
"Oh, um, well, I'm Kris by the way." He held out his hand with a smile.
"I know." I fumbled with my keys, not really thinking about what I had said.
"Oh," he put his head down as he spoke, "hockey fan?"
"Yeah, I used to go to games with my fiance..." I whispered the last few words, fighting back tears as I spoke. Kris started to say something, but a tall blonde walked out of the building. I knew this one instantly. Jordan Staal.
"Kris, dude, you HAVE to see this apartment......ohhh," He looked at me when he spoke, "who is this?" Jordan winked at me then looked at Kris for an answer. Kris looked at me confused since I had never introduce myself.
"April. April Miller." I started to unlock my car to leave while I spoke.
"I'm Jordan, Jordan Staal." He threw in another wink for good measure.
Kris looked at Jordan like he wanted to punch him, "Gronk, she's a hockey fan." Jordan looked like he had gotten hit by a train. He rolled his eyes at Kris as he walked back into the building.
"So, you sure you're alright?" Kris seemed genuinely concerned with my well being, but I continued to brush him off."
"I'm a big girl, I can handle myself" I climbed in my car, not waiting for a response. I started up and drove towards Oakland, every second passing a memory of Bryan.
Sorry its so crappy :( Let me know what you think tho! <3
I knew I recognized this guy from somewhere, I just couldn't put a name with the face. He seemed really familiar. He didn't say a word to me most of the time he helped me get the boxes out of Bryan's apartment. Eventually, he got sick of silence, and spoke up.
"So, why are you moving out?" He looked at me curiously when he spoke, like he was trying to read my mind. It wasn't until then that i noticed his accent.
"I'm not. This isn't my stuff" I kept my face burried in what I was doing so I wouldn't have to draw out the conversation with a complete stranger.
"Oh," He confusedly tried to understand why I was doing this, "are you helping a friend?"
I didn't have time to respond before I heard running down the stairs. It wasn't long before shouting followed.
"KRIS?!?!? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!"
I looked at the stanger helping me. I knew who he was.
"Shit, I'll be right back." Kris ran out of the room and up the stairs.
Kris Letang. Pittsburgh Penguins defenceman. He helped me move my boyfriend's stuff. He stood in Bryan's apartment. Kris Letang.
I finished what I was doing and packed the last box, hoping to be out before Kris came back. I really didn't want an awkward 'Oh hey, you're famous' moment to erupt. I hurried to lock up and pack the car, but whatever Kris had to do finished first.
"Hey, need some help?" He was out of breath like he had just run to help me.
"No, I'm fine" I tried not to look at him, but once i knew who he was it was hard not to glance.
"Oh, um, well, I'm Kris by the way." He held out his hand with a smile.
"I know." I fumbled with my keys, not really thinking about what I had said.
"Oh," he put his head down as he spoke, "hockey fan?"
"Yeah, I used to go to games with my fiance..." I whispered the last few words, fighting back tears as I spoke. Kris started to say something, but a tall blonde walked out of the building. I knew this one instantly. Jordan Staal.
"Kris, dude, you HAVE to see this apartment......ohhh," He looked at me when he spoke, "who is this?" Jordan winked at me then looked at Kris for an answer. Kris looked at me confused since I had never introduce myself.
"April. April Miller." I started to unlock my car to leave while I spoke.
"I'm Jordan, Jordan Staal." He threw in another wink for good measure.
Kris looked at Jordan like he wanted to punch him, "Gronk, she's a hockey fan." Jordan looked like he had gotten hit by a train. He rolled his eyes at Kris as he walked back into the building.
"So, you sure you're alright?" Kris seemed genuinely concerned with my well being, but I continued to brush him off."
"I'm a big girl, I can handle myself" I climbed in my car, not waiting for a response. I started up and drove towards Oakland, every second passing a memory of Bryan.
Sorry its so crappy :( Let me know what you think tho! <3
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Coming Apart at the Seams --1--
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to graduate with him in April. I was supposed to become his wife in June. I was supposed to be by his side. Forever. I never dreamed that I would be sitting in a funeral home, looking at his body in a coffin. Not now.
I was walking to class on a cold November morning when I got the call that I wasn't expecting. It was from Bryan's phone. I wondered why he was up this early, but I answered anyway.
"Hey Babe! I wasn't expecting you to be wake this early," There was a pause on the other line until I recieved a response from a voice I didn't recognize.
"April Miller?" It was a deep, sinister voice that asked. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to answer.
"Ye...ye...yes. This i..is she."
"This is officer Tim York. Mr. Mantaglia was involved in an accident this morning and he's being taking to Mercy South Side. We contacted his mother, who gave us your number. We suggest you meet him at the hospital."
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. How serious was the wreck? Where was it? Is he ok? "What's his condition? Is he ok? Will he be ok? Where is he now?" I could tell I was speaking in a panic, but I couldn't help it.
"Ms. Miller. I suggest you come to the hospital before we tell you that information."
I sprinted back down Forbes to ge to my car. I hurried to throw my books in the back seat before starting the car and racing to Mercy. The entire drive, I attempted to convince myself that everything would be ok. It had to be.
After parking in the lot, I raced into the emergency area where I was met by who I assumed to be Officer York.
"April Miller?"
"Yes"
"Follow me please."
I thought we would be going to whatever room Bryan was in, but instead he led me to the chapel. Immediately, I knew why we were in this room. I knew before Officer York even opened his mouth to tell me.
"Ms. Miller, I'm very sorry. Mr. Mantaglia passed away at the scene of the accident. However, in Pittsburgh it's standard procedure that he be taken to the hospital so an attempt at revival could be made. It's also standard procedure that we tell all loved ones of the condition here at the hospital. I'm very sorry for your loss. If you need anything, the ladies at the desk can assist you as well as give you some forms that need signed. I'm so very sorry."
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. It didn't hit me until I had been sitting alone in the dark chapel for a while. The tears wouldn't wait any longer. The full impact of what had just happened washed over me all at once, and I broke down into hysterical sobs. He couldn't be dead. My Bryan. Gone.
I never realized just how much I needed him until he wasn't there. Until all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me I would be fine. That everything would be fine. The only thing I wanted was for him to get out of the coffin and hold me. I wanted him to tell me he loved me, that we would be together forever. As much as I wanted it to, I had to face that fact that it wouldnt happen. So I sat in the funeral home, getting hugs and sympathies from everyone. Most of the people had never met me before, but they all knew how much Bryan loved me. I sat there and took it, when all I wanted to do was curl up next to him and will him back to life.
For weeks, I strongly considered killing myself. However, I realized that would make everyone around me feel just as I did now. So I did the only other thing I could do. I locked myself away from everyone and everything. Anything I did would remind me of Bryan, and that would bring on sobs.
The hardest part was cleaning his apartment. It didn't seem right to go through all his things and pack them into boxes. It was our memories being packed away, like Bryan's death meant everything was done. It's like it meant that everything should be locked away, never to be seen again.
I wouldn't let it happen that way. I couldn't let it. Bryan and I had been together since the 9th grade. I couldn't just let go. As I left Bryan's place, I was met by a tall man with gorgeous brown hair. He was so tall compared to my 5'5" frame that he almost knocked me over as I juggled boxes.
"Oh, sorry." he said with an odd accent. "Would you like some help with those boxes?"
I looked up into his welcoming brown eyes and nodded as I handed him a box filled with my heart.
I was walking to class on a cold November morning when I got the call that I wasn't expecting. It was from Bryan's phone. I wondered why he was up this early, but I answered anyway.
"Hey Babe! I wasn't expecting you to be wake this early," There was a pause on the other line until I recieved a response from a voice I didn't recognize.
"April Miller?" It was a deep, sinister voice that asked. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to answer.
"Ye...ye...yes. This i..is she."
"This is officer Tim York. Mr. Mantaglia was involved in an accident this morning and he's being taking to Mercy South Side. We contacted his mother, who gave us your number. We suggest you meet him at the hospital."
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. How serious was the wreck? Where was it? Is he ok? "What's his condition? Is he ok? Will he be ok? Where is he now?" I could tell I was speaking in a panic, but I couldn't help it.
"Ms. Miller. I suggest you come to the hospital before we tell you that information."
I sprinted back down Forbes to ge to my car. I hurried to throw my books in the back seat before starting the car and racing to Mercy. The entire drive, I attempted to convince myself that everything would be ok. It had to be.
After parking in the lot, I raced into the emergency area where I was met by who I assumed to be Officer York.
"April Miller?"
"Yes"
"Follow me please."
I thought we would be going to whatever room Bryan was in, but instead he led me to the chapel. Immediately, I knew why we were in this room. I knew before Officer York even opened his mouth to tell me.
"Ms. Miller, I'm very sorry. Mr. Mantaglia passed away at the scene of the accident. However, in Pittsburgh it's standard procedure that he be taken to the hospital so an attempt at revival could be made. It's also standard procedure that we tell all loved ones of the condition here at the hospital. I'm very sorry for your loss. If you need anything, the ladies at the desk can assist you as well as give you some forms that need signed. I'm so very sorry."
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. It didn't hit me until I had been sitting alone in the dark chapel for a while. The tears wouldn't wait any longer. The full impact of what had just happened washed over me all at once, and I broke down into hysterical sobs. He couldn't be dead. My Bryan. Gone.
I never realized just how much I needed him until he wasn't there. Until all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me I would be fine. That everything would be fine. The only thing I wanted was for him to get out of the coffin and hold me. I wanted him to tell me he loved me, that we would be together forever. As much as I wanted it to, I had to face that fact that it wouldnt happen. So I sat in the funeral home, getting hugs and sympathies from everyone. Most of the people had never met me before, but they all knew how much Bryan loved me. I sat there and took it, when all I wanted to do was curl up next to him and will him back to life.
For weeks, I strongly considered killing myself. However, I realized that would make everyone around me feel just as I did now. So I did the only other thing I could do. I locked myself away from everyone and everything. Anything I did would remind me of Bryan, and that would bring on sobs.
The hardest part was cleaning his apartment. It didn't seem right to go through all his things and pack them into boxes. It was our memories being packed away, like Bryan's death meant everything was done. It's like it meant that everything should be locked away, never to be seen again.
I wouldn't let it happen that way. I couldn't let it. Bryan and I had been together since the 9th grade. I couldn't just let go. As I left Bryan's place, I was met by a tall man with gorgeous brown hair. He was so tall compared to my 5'5" frame that he almost knocked me over as I juggled boxes.
"Oh, sorry." he said with an odd accent. "Would you like some help with those boxes?"
I looked up into his welcoming brown eyes and nodded as I handed him a box filled with my heart.
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